The Boardroom Sandpit: How our Childhood Experiences Influence Adult Workplace Dynamics
The echoes of our childhood experiences continue to reverberate through our adult lives, shaping our beliefs, behaviors, and relationships, including those within the workplace. Even as we work hard to compartmentalize our personal and professional selves, and often think we’re doing a good job of it, the reality is that our past wounds can profoundly influence our interactions, decisions, and relational impact at work.
Ever wondered why certain people tend to respond to authority in a defensive, challenging and reactive manner, whilst other tend to shrink in its presence, going quite and finding it difficult to speak up for themselves?
When we look at the dynamics around a boardroom table, we could be looking at a sandpit: the beliefs we carry with us from childhood continue to express themselves in our interactions at work.
Learned strategies proved useful in childhood when we had to adapt to the environment and the emotional attunement of our caregivers. Add to that a broad spectrum of experiences and interactions and we reach adulthood with very specific attitudes, beliefs and strategies for dealing with stressful situations.
Here are some examples of how workplace dynamics are impacted by our childhood experiences:
Communication style: our communication style is influenced by our learned strategies in childhood. Depending on our own personal beliefs and experiences, this may mean keeping quiet to keep the peace, favouring a diplomatic and indirect communication style. Or it may mean defaulting to an assertive, abrupt, and impatient communication style as a way of preserving independence.
Relationship Dynamics: Our early experiences with our caregivers shape all our relationships thereafter. In the workplace, they influence our perceptions of hierarchy and power dynamics. Individuals who experienced authoritarian parenting may struggle with authority figures or demonstrate a strong need to challenge and control. In comparison, those who felt overlooked or marginalized as children may seek validation and approval from colleagues or superiors.
Coping Mechanisms: Childhood influences can impact how individuals cope with stress, conflict, and criticism in the workplace. Some may resort to avoidant behaviors, withdrawing or shutting down in response to perceived threats. Others might move towards others, seeking to repair relationship ruptures and preserve connection. And still others may engage in perfectionism or overachievement as a means of seeking validation or avoiding failure.
Emotional Regulation: The ability to regulate emotions is crucial for navigating workplace challenges effectively. Childhood experiences can disrupt the development of healthy emotional regulation skills, leading to difficulties managing stress, frustration, or disappointment in professional settings. Individuals may struggle with impulsive behaviours and emotional reactivity when under pressure, resulting in unhealthy relationships and workplace dynamics.
Acknowledging the impact of our childhood experiences on our adult behaviour is the first step toward taking responsibility for ourselves and our level of emotional maturity. To foster a supportive and inclusive work environment, leaders need to be mindful of these sensitive influences and take proactive steps to handle with care.
Examples include:
Trauma-Informed Practices: Implement trauma-informed policies and training programs to educate leaders about the impact of childhood experiences on adult behavior and mental health. This includes building sensitivity to the impact of trauma and recognizing when additional support may be required.
Supportive Resources: Offer access to counseling services, employee assistance programs, or support groups to help employees address past traumas and develop coping strategies for navigating personal and workplace challenges.
Open Dialogue: Build a culture where empathy for the lived experiences of other people is the norm. Create opportunities for employees to share their experiences, beliefs and perspectives in an environment that is safe, supported and navigated by experienced professionals.
Professional Development: Provide training and development opportunities focused on self-awareness, emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation and improved team dynamics. Equip employees with the insights, and practical tools they need to navigate interpersonal challenges and manage stress in the workplace.
Whether we want to admit it or not, our childhood experiences shape who we are and how we interact with the world. This includes how we operate at work. By recognizing the impact of our childhood experiences on adult workplace dynamics, leaders can create a more empathetic, inclusive, and supportive work environment. Through education, open dialogue, and proactive support, we can foster a workplace culture that honors the diverse backgrounds and experiences of all employees, empowering them to thrive both personally and professionally.
Find out how working with the Enneagram helps increase awareness of our own stories and how we can take steps towards building greater emotional maturity and the resilience to face tough times.