Why Emotional Maturity is the single-most important determinant of team effectiveness
Regardless of industry, geographical location, function or work level, there is one single factor I believe more important than anything else when it comes to team performance: emotional maturity.
It might seem obvious, but its significance often goes unnoticed. That is, until we’ve had the unpleasant experience of working with someone who lacks it. Most of us will have had at least one experience like this, and we seldom forget its impact. Sometimes, it will even define the course of our own leadership journey.
We know what emotional maturity is not: It’ the lack of an ability to self-reflect and self-regulate, often resulting in an individual who dumps their inner chaos onto other people resulting in various scenarios such as aggressiveness, defensiveness, emotional reactivity and worst case scenario, bullying and emotional abuse.
What is emotional maturity and why does it matter so much in the workplace?
Emotional maturity is the ability to understand, manage, and express one's thoughts, beliefs and emotions effectively, while also being attuned to the emotions and experiences of others. It involves a balanced integration of head (cognitive), heart (emotional) and gut (behavioral) intelligence leading to greater self-awareness and interpersonal effectiveness.
An emotionally mature individual practices:
Self-awareness: an introspective capacity to recognise and understand our own emotions, thoughts, and behaviours. This includes the ability to identify our strengths, blindspots, triggers and the defensive strategies we deploy in times of stress.
Emotional regulation: the ability to catch and constructively manage our human emotions, without letting them leak out impulsively or over-ride our behaviour. This means we can respond with conscious intention rather than unconscious reactivity.
Relational-awareness: the ability to consider and empathise with another’ emotions and experiences. This means being open-minded and curious about their unique perspective, knowing that their emotions are as valid as ours, and so, improving trust, building deeper connection and ultimately improving relationships.
Balanced decision-making: the ability to make decisions from an integrated perspective, including emotional clues in addition to our typical cognitive or intuitive clues. This means we can make considered and well-balanced decisions rather than impulsive, reactive ones.
Constructive conflict management: the ability to communicate and listen in a manner that demonstrates intention and respect, ultimately creating an environment that builds trust rather than erodes it. This means working towards a mutually favourable outcome rather than being swayed by personal reactions and agendas.
Resilience: The ability to regulate our nervous systems so that we increase our capacity to deal with challenging people and situations. When we take responsibility for our own wellbeing, we are less likely to be negatively affected by our external environment and are better able to bounce back from setbacks, disappointments, and adversity.
Fortunately, emotional maturity can be learned and built on over time. Here are some approaches for cultivating it:
Practice Self-Reflection: Set aside time for introspection to explore your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Journaling, meditation, and mindfulness practices can enhance self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Practice self-honesty: Get into the habit of reflecting on difficult situations of interactions and getting real with yourself: what triggered my reaction? What was my personal role in this? How could I have handled it differently
Practice curiosity: Commit to being interested in others’ views, beliefs and emotional experiences. Get into the habit of asking questions to better understand their experience, thus learning to step outside of your own assumptions.
Practice empathy: Seek to appreciate the human struggles of those around you, knowing that most people are dealing with something challenging right now. Practice active listening, ask open-ended questions, and cultivate compassion in your interactions with others.
Practice asking for help: Surround yourself with supportive relationships and seek guidance from mentors or therapists when necessary. By understanding what’s behind our very human behaviour and learning to lean on others as we grow through our difficulties, we can start showing up in our relationships in a more honest and authentic way.
Cultivating emotional maturity is an ongoing journey of self-observation and self-adjustment. As we move through particularly stressful times, its normal to revert to our protective strategies but by building emotional maturity, we become less reliant on these reactive approaches and more able to navigate life's challenges with presence and intentional choice.
Find out how working with the Enneagram helps build emotional maturity by deepening self-awareness and other-awareness.