10 things to help you navigate this shitstorm
My personal mantra at the moment is nothing more ground-breaking than “one day at a time.” Some days are harder than others. Some days I feel inspired by the work I continue to show up for. And other days I have to dig really deep.
If you’re going through something tough right now, please know that you aren’t alone. Here are some things to consider as you navigate your way through whatever it is you’re facing:
Allow your process to be your process: It’s not helpful to compare journeys right now. We all handle things in our own way and in the same way you can’t judge others for choosing a different healing approach to yours, don’t judge yourself for making the choices you’re making right now. Only you know what you need right now and you’re doing the best you can.
Know that healing isn’t linear: I know you’d prefer to feel consistent progression, for things to steadily get better and better every day. But healing has its own messy agenda and a straight line isn’t a part of it. Some days you’ll feel like you’re making inroads. And a little while later you’ll find yourself back in the ditch. Please know this is completely normal and you’re not doing anything wrong.
Avoid Gratitude Guilt: Maybe you’re grateful you still have a job so feel guilty complaining about the workload. Perhaps you know you’ve got a lot to be thankful for so don’t feel entitled to your struggles. But there will always be others who have it worse off than you and you need to know that whatever you’re going through isn’t diminished by that. Please don’t add more to your pain but layering it up with guilt.
Don’t judge yourself for the coping mechanisms you’re using right now: You might be diving into avoidance by keeping yourself frantically busy. Maybe you’re binge-watching series or God-forbid, eating carbs. Honestly, as long as it’s not a self-destructive behaviour for you (you’ll know) and you’re consciously keeping an eye on it, don’t feel bad for providing yourself a bit of what you need. It’s a period in time and you’ll know when it’s no longer serving you.
Reach out to those who can provide you with what you need: I see you. You think you have to get through things alone. You don’t want to burden others with your “boring” stories and feel it’s easier to push through yourself. But having the kind ear of a trusted, supportive friend who listens gently and holds space for you, is one of the biggest gifts you can give to yourself right now. Take the risk. You might be surprised at just how willingly and capably people are able to step up.
Be discerning with who you confide in: Make sure the support you get is from people you wholeheartedly trust to provide you with what you need. Not everyone’s able to provide empathy unless they’ve had lived experience. Others go into “fix it” or advice mode when you aren’t quite ready for that yet. So please, don’t let other people’s inability to cope with your vulnerability undermine what you’re experiencing. Just reconsider who you let close.
Find one thing to anchor you in to each day: Now might not be the best time for lengthy list of feel-good activities that are the path to the new you. Whilst suitable for certain seasons of your life, over-committing to too many things when you’re really down can end up creating overwhelm. Rather focus on one single thing every single day that you know contributes to your well-being. Maybe it’s going for a walk. Maybe it’s reaching out with one potential work contact. Just one thing. I promise, that’s good enough for now.
Notice your triggers so you can plan for them: Be aware of what might be contributing to your tougher moments, and put plans in place to offer yourself a kinder choice. Maybe sunset is a tricky one for you, so set that as the time for your yoga class. If Sunday evening tends to be a low point, don’t wait for it to settle in before scrambling for some nourishment. When you know your triggers, you’ll be in a much better position to care for yourself through them.
Focus on one day at a time: Unless future visioning is helpful and productive for you, don’t worry about what next week or month or year may bring. Focus on what needs to be done today. Maybe even what needs to be done over the next hour. When you have more capacity, you can use the future to drive an inspiring mindset, but sometimes getting through the now is courage enough.
When in doubt, self-compassion first: You’re not not trying hard enough. You aren’t failing at this in some way, and there isn’t more you should be doing to make this right. Please stop working so hard at it all and give yourself a break. If there’s only one thing you can do for now, make it about finding ways to offer yourself more kindness.